Contents


CATCHER IN THE AMERICAN EXPRESS
In the style of J.D. Salinger


PLEASE DON’T SQUEEZE THE CHARMIN
In the style of Bernard Malamud


 THE GOLDEN ARCHES
In the style of William Carlos Williams


WHERE’S THE BEEF?
In the style of Friedrich Nietzche


I CAN SEE MYSELF IN THE DISHES
In the style of Nathaniel Hawthorne


REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE
In the style of Gertrude Stein


ALKA-SELTZER 
In the style of Kurt Vonnegut


ROSIE’S DINER
In the style of Ernest Hemingway


OWN A PIECE OF THE ROCK
In the style of Arthur Miller


RING AROUND THE COLLAR
In the style of Albert Camus


i wish i were an oscar mayer wiener
In the style of e.e. cummings


TIDY BOWL
In the style of Herman Melville


SHOUT IT OUT
In the style of William Shakespeare


PUT A TIC-TAC IN YOUR MOUTH AND
GET A BANG OUT OF LIFE
In the style of Carlos Castaneda


LET YOUR FINGERS DO THE WALKING
In the style of Robert Frost


THE COCA-COLA MANIFESTO
In the style of Karl Marx


THE MAIDENFORM WOMAN
In the style of Jane Austen


RABBIT KEEPS GOING AND GOING
In the style of John Updike


THE AVON LADY
In the style of Emily Dickinson


ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO FOR COCOA PUFFS
In the style of Ken Kessey


DR.  PEPPER AND MR. HYDE
In the style of Robert Louis Stevenson


CHARLIE TUNA 
In the style of F. Scott Fitzgerald


O FAB! I’M GLAD!
In the style of Walt Whitman


A TALE OF TWO DEODORANTS
In the style of Charles Dickens


FLY THE FRIENDLY SKIES
In the style of Erica Jong


PORTRAIT OF THE LEPRECHAUN AS A YOUNG MAN
In the style of James Joyce


IT’S NOT NICE TO FOOL MOTHER NATURE
In the style of Edgar Allen Poe


TONY TIGER
In the style of William Blake


MMMM, MMMM, GOOD
In the style of Upton Sinclair


RAID KILLS BUGS DEAD
In the style of Franz Kafka


REESE’S PEANUT BUTTER CUP
In the style of William Faulkner


THE GOOD NEWS RAZOR
In the style of Sylvia Plath


GREY POUPON MUSTARD
In the style of Tom Wolff


ONLY HER HAIR DRESSER KNOWS FOR SURE
In the style of Agatha Christie


MAYTAG’S COMPLAINT
In the style of Philip Roth


WHEN I BITE INTO A YORK PEPPERMINT PATTIE
In the style of Hunter S. Thompson


THE MANICURIST’S TALE 
In the style of Geoffrey Chaucer


LIFE AND PUNISHMENT 
In the style of Fyodor Dostoyevsky


THE ADVENTURES OF JOE ISUZU
In the style of Mark Twain


TAKE THE NESTEA PLUNGE
In the style of Henry David Thoreau


THE RIME OF CAP’N CRUNCH
In the style of Samuel Coleridge


EXCEDRIN HEADACHE #22
In the style of Joseph Heller


THE UN-COLA 
In the style of George Orwell


WE BRING GOOD THINGS TO LIFE 
In the style of Mary Shelley


FILL IT TO THE RIM WITH BRIM
In the style of Dr. Seuss


THE KEEBLER ELVES 
In the style of Jonathan Swift


M&M’S MELT IN YOUR MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR HANDS
In the style of Ayn Rand


MY WIFE, I THINK I’LL KEEP HER 
In the style of D. H. Lawrence


SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
In the style of Lewis Carroll


THERE’S NOTHING LIKE THE FACE OF A KID
EATING A HERSHEY BAR
In the style of Vladimir Nabokov